Naughty children. What if the child is nervous and naughty?
Once a famous satirist Zhvanetsky in his miniature stated: a lot of human experiences are related to the fact that we ask ourselves the wrong questions and answer them incorrectly. You do not need an angry one: “Why doesn’t the trolleybus travel as much as you can ?!”, philosophical is much better: “But why does this, in fact, have to come?” sometimes it helps a lot to live, especially if disobedient children come on the scene, because of which parents do not sleep at night (instead of melancholically asking themselves: “Why, in fact, should they be obedient?”).
Regulation "can not"
The baby is new to the world. On the one hand, he is interested in everything, on the other - he has absolutely no experience. He does not know that you can burn yourself with fire, from a height - to fall, with a knife - to cut yourself. The best experience, of course, is personal, but not every parent will be able to watch indifferently as his child climbs into the outlet.And here about the disobedient children, it is important to know the following: the more prohibitions, the more unmanageable the baby's parents will seem.
Known and fashionable back in the 60s, Dr. Spock advises: no more than three "no" for one room. To organize the space on the basis of this principle is the task of the parents: to band the bedside tables, to remove the cutting, piercing, beating into the zone of inaccessibility. It is especially important to remove or protect something that can cause significant harm to health and life-threatening: when children are at home, household chemicals should not be within reach, and a pan with boiling water should be better placed on the far burner.
All these measures can be considered passive-preventive, but they are effective and can protect the child from harm, and parents - from a nervous breakdown, which is inevitable in the case when every five minutes you have to “not talk”. Such behavior of adults will either block the curiosity of the child, or lead to total disobedience: in a world where nothing is impossible, we must learn to bypass prohibitions.
It is impossible - it is always impossible
Another sure path to failure is instability. The child must have a stable, consistent picture of the world.If today to the aquarium - it is impossible, then tomorrow - it is also impossible, and it is impossible with the grandmother, and with the dad. It is much better if the upbringing of children in the family is carried out in the same style, which is why it is so important to reach a preliminary consensus on this issue.
Often this is not possible, but in this case, too, should not be overly desperate. Children are excellent psychologists, not to say manipulators. They build relationships with each member of the family individually, and very quickly they begin to understand with whom they can insist on their own, and with whom it is useless. The influence of the grandmother, who indulges and “spoils”, will not be decisive if mom and dad come out in a united front.
Disobedience as a mirror of relationships
In principle, before complaining about what you have disobedient children, you should clearly define the "guilty". It is possible that they are not the younger members of the family, but quite the opposite.
Often parents behave in relation to the child wrong: do not reckon with his opinion, unduly put pressure on him, force him to eat, draw, read, etc., when it is not at all necessary, not conforming to the desires of a little person.
There is also another situation: in words an adult says one thing, but his actions, tone, conversations with others tell the child that in fact his behavior is encouraged. This situation can serve as an illustration: a little girl batters peers in the playground. Mom, of course, reprimands her not to swing her fists. And right there, at home, with pride and delight, he tells how "we broke up everybody." In this case, it is obvious not only how the daughter will behave, but how the character of the child will continue to form: she will quickly understand that a mother can say one thing and think about it another. It is unlikely that this will contribute to the establishment of mutual trust, and we will have to forget about stopping the fights with our peers.
Adults should always remember that the best example of education is a personal example. It is useless to require the baby to do what the parents themselves do not, and vice versa. No matter how trite it may sound, but words must not diverge from the case. If you teach a child not to offend animals - do not kick your cat.
From each - according to his abilities!
The next mistake of parents, especially when they have their first child, is excessive demanding.Young mom and dad, armed with a variety of advanced techniques, endlessly "train" their child. Each of him, as well as his own slip, turns into a tragedy, even causes unreasonable anger.
In this case, you just need to calm down and understand that the child does not do what is demanded of him, not because he does not want, but because he cannot do it: his neural connections are still very weak, he is not able to adequately process large arrays information easily forgotten. Do not think that naughty children are trying to break the prohibitions, just to piss off their parents. It would be naive to believe that the one and a half year old baby will remember once that it is impossible to cover the sand with neighbors in the sand. We'll have to repeat the ban more than a dozen times, nothing can be done.
In principle, patience is the most necessary, most important quality of an educator. He will need oh so much before the character of the child is formed and he can begin adulthood, becomes capable of building normal relations with the people around him.
Notorious age crises
Special patience is needed during the so-called age crises.Children develop, if I may say so, "spasmodically." A week ago, I barely held a pencil - and here, please, with enthusiasm draws quite recognizable piglets. A month earlier it was impossible to get an answer to a question, a red signal at a traffic light or green, and today the kid is already smartly listing all the colors in the picture. These are examples of pleasant ones.
But from the unpleasant: the usually docile child suddenly turns into a real imp. During breakfast, she spits out her favorite porridge, rolls in hysterics because of nonsense for a walk, refuses to go to bed in the evening, and in general - there is a feeling that the son or daughter has been replaced. For all questions and comments, he says only "no." Even to an innocent mother: “Now we sweep the floor,” the little monster replies: “We won't sweep, not the floor, not now.” Mom in despair: “Naughty child, 2 years, what to do?”
Most of the answers somehow come down to the maxim of the greatest positivist philosopher of all times and peoples — Carlson, who lives on the roof: “Calm, only calm.” All you need to remember about the age crisis in a baby is:
- he will pass;
- the child is also very difficult, it should be treated with understanding.
Psychologists have not yet come to a common opinion about the start time of the “holiday of disobedience”. Domestic specialists more often speak of a crisis of three years, and Westerners - of two. Some note a similar phenomenon in the year, at six, nine years. This “confusion and vacillation” is quite simple to explain: all children are individual, and each crisis comes on time. It would be too simple if it started on a schedule: they celebrated their third birthday, and the next morning it began. It is clear that this does not happen: the “catastrophe” will surely erupt suddenly, horrifying the parents - especially if this is the first child and, accordingly, the first crisis.
How to survive
How to behave in this difficult time depends largely on the age of the beloved offspring. If he is only a year old, hope to reason with his words - at least. We'll have to compensate for the actions, up to "take in an armful and carry." It is quite another thing when we have a more conscious and well-speaking disobedient child: 4 years is the age when you can enter into negotiations with the “criminal” and either explain the need to perform certain actions or threaten with deprivation of any benefits.
Sometimes parents should take the path of least resistance, denoting for themselves a clear boundary, beyond which it is impossible to cross, and understand what is allowed to give up. No need to "stand to death" for every little thing: so you only wear out the nerves for yourself and the child. A parent, driven to a frenzy, would rather be nonsense, which he would later regret, so in some questions it’s better to go with the flow.
If the crisis is accompanied by aggression, it makes sense to pause in relations with peers and take a walk for the time being together. Do not want to eat porridge? Please let him sit hungry. Want to argue? Let him argue. The position of the parent in this case should be benevolent, but reinforced.
And no need to worry about how ugly the scene looks from the outside. Most often, it is inexperienced (and best of all, therefore, who know how best to raise children) at the sight of a baby bursting from a roar, they think: “God, poor little one!” ! ”And, in the end, the opinion of others should least affect the process of education, in which the main role is played by consistency: if something cannot be done when the children are at home, this should not be allowed when they are walking.
Small manipulators are ready to shed as many tears as they like and even frantically roll on the floor - even at home, even in the store. But calm and consistent behavior will definitely decide the case in favor of the parent. As the doctor and popular TV presenter E. Komarovsky rightly noted, the child will not make a tantrum in front of the closet - this is unproductive. He will surely take care that he has animated spectators from whom you can achieve the desired. If you do not achieve the desired result, there will be no repetitions of the solo number.
Now, probably, it is worthwhile to sort out in detail what exactly the child considers as the “necessary result”. It is not always as obvious as it seems. Very often, the reason for bad behavior is not the nominal doll in the window, but the desire to get attention from adults. Children in this regard are very demanding, their world revolves around their parents. In this case, it is characteristic that in the absence of attention with a plus sign, they are satisfied with a negative one. So there are chronically naughty children who prefer to listen to screams and even to be punished, just not to stay in the "dead zone" of parental indifference.Eternally immersed in their phone or computer, a mother and father are guaranteed to get a result that will not please them: the less attention they give to the child, the more chances they will face disobedience.
The way out is obvious: to reconsider our own line of conduct and find time for our children, as further the situation will only get worse.
Parents must educate
Often this happens when the so-called early children appear in immature young people: parents, who have not yet grown up and want to have fun, are happy to hand over the reins to the older generation. Grandmothers and grandfathers are engaged in upbringing, while mom and dad live their own lives, sometimes trying to buy gifts from the children. In this case, after a few years, it is revealed that the child does not recognize the authority of the parents, behaves aggressively and disrespectfully. What obedience is there ...
Approximately the same relationship develops when a young mother after a divorce from an equally young father tries to establish a personal life to the detriment of communication with the child.
It’s a mistake to think that “a child needs to be engaged” - you just need to live with it, communicate,to build relationships, constantly bearing in mind that he is an independent person who is by no means the property of the parents. Their task is to give him a road to life, which he will live on his own.
When parents ask themselves what to do, if the child is nervous and disobedient, they should first of all assess their own actions and decide:
Does a little person get enough attention?
Are the actions of his teachers consistent?
what relationship binds his mother and father;
what kind of environment surrounds him at home.
It happens that children are experiencing hard changes in their lives. If there was a relocation, a divorce of parents, the death of one of the close relatives with whom the child often and many times in contact, you should not urgently seek a solution to how to raise a disobedient child, but help him to survive the injury. It should be remembered that adaptation takes from six months to a year, and during this period his behavior may be far from ideal. It is possible to treat this indulgently, stopping, nevertheless, frankly aggressive, unfair attacks.
Very often, a child becomes unmanageable when he has a younger brother or sister.Children's jealousy often becomes the cause of aggressive behavior, the eldest child begins to learn poorly, to be rude, to withdraw into himself. There is only one advice - to create an environment in which he will not feel deprived, abandoned, unnecessary. Yes, it can be difficult for the mother to control herself when the crumb needs care, but the change in the behavior of the elder is the little bell that needs attention.
Democracy and family
Now family relations are considered normal, in which the child is a creature that does not obey, but is equal. But it is unlikely that such a scheme of building relationships is quite adequate. Still, a parent should have authority in the eyes of his children and cope with certain situations only with parental authority: raising children in a family involves such cases. It happens when a baby is capricious, not wanting to go to bed. It is permissible, probably, to give him a long lecture on the importance of a good night’s rest - and go to bed by one o'clock. And you can just order to go to bed, strictly and confidently. The closer and more trusting the relationship with the child in principle, the more he will be afraid to disobey and cause the displeasure of the beloved parent.
It is important to remember that you do not need to “sulk” for a long time.It has no beneficial effect - it only feels abandoned and unnecessary. Do not talk for weeks with delinquent children - the lot of people with deeply injured psyche. Much better results are given by the system of rewards and punishments executed in the game.
For example, a “weekly prize” is established: a trip to the water park, to the cinema, a trip for mushrooms or something else that is meaningful for a child. It is very important that the “winnings” include not just a purchased toy, but time spent together with the whole family.
So, during the week the child must earn his winnings: score a certain number of points (they can be embodied in specially designed chips, bonuses, stickers, or simply draw a graph on the refrigerator). For good behavior, a “competitor” gets a certain number of points - and, accordingly, for bad things, these points are removed. It is important to remember that justice is most important in this game. And yet - the guarantee of a positive result. Even if it was not possible to score the required number of points, but the child still tried - he should receive a prize, albeit not so chic,but still do not stay empty-handed.
The importance of communication
A child should not be locked in the four walls - he needs to communicate with people. The more experience he gets, the easier it will be to build relationships with others. You do not need to worry much about what your naughty child in kindergarten will do: it is quite possible that there he will behave like an angel with snow-white wings. As mentioned above, children build relationships with adults based on their behavior. With a child like no one else, the saying “as it goes around comes around, so will respond”. Other children in the garden are a great opportunity to observe and train. The kid will understand that people are different, they behave differently, the relationship with them can also be different. He makes his first friends and enemies, joins the society, gradually getting ready to enter adult life.
The way children behave in the garden depends not only on their personal characteristics, but also on the caregiver. An experienced, sensitive teacher will definitely create a proper atmosphere in the group. Therefore, choosing a child care facility, first of all, one should focus not so much on nutrition and comfortable conditions, as on the personality of the person with whom the child will spend most of the day.
Of course, family relationships are a fundamental factor in the formation of the child’s psyche. Parents should always remember that the fundamentals of raising children do not constitute the secrets of the family. The main thing is to remember that in front of you is a person and a person, which should be treated with respect. It is important not to neglect the opinion of the child, to be sensitive to his experiences, to behave in a friendly and patient manner, to try to approach education in a meaningful way, carefully analyzing one’s own behavior, which should be consistent and fair. It is absolutely unacceptable to disrupt the evil of a child from failures at work, quarrels with her husband (wife) or other troubles. If this happens, you need to find the strength to apologize.
Of course, there will be a lot of mistakes, but do not despair: there are no ideal people (and parents) in nature. No matter how trite it may sound, but when there is love, understanding and care in the family, everything is solved. In this case, it is not necessary to think out what to do if the child is nervous and naughty. Crises can be overcome, problems can be solved, and you can enjoy life and communication with a new person, interesting, kind and talented.